Extending grace to those who hurt us
We’ve all been there—hurt by someone’s words, actions, or even their silence. Whether it’s a close friend, a family member, or even a stranger, the sting of being wronged can leave us feeling angry, betrayed, or even bitter. Our natural instinct may be to hold onto the pain, seek justice, or build walls to protect ourselves from being hurt again. But as followers of Christ, we are called to something different—extending grace to those who hurt us.
Grace is one of the most powerful expressions of God’s love. It’s undeserved kindness, unearned forgiveness, and unconditional love. It’s what Jesus showed to us when He went to the cross, and it’s what He asks us to extend to others—even those who have wounded us. But let’s be honest: showing grace to someone who has hurt us isn’t easy. It requires humility, surrender, and a heart aligned with God’s will.
So how do we extend grace when our hearts are aching? How do we forgive when the offense feels too deep? What does the Bible says about grace, why it’s so difficult to give, and how can we follow Jesus’ example in offering grace to those who have wronged us?
Understanding Grace in a Biblical Context
Grace Comes from God’s Example
Grace is one of the most beautiful and transformative gifts from God. At its core, grace is unmerited favor—a kindness that we don’t deserve but receive anyway. The Bible is filled with examples of God’s grace toward humanity, and as His followers, we are called to extend that same grace to others.
One of the clearest descriptions of grace is found in Ephesians 4:32, which says: “Be kind and compassionate
to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
This verse reminds us that our ability to forgive and extend grace comes from God’s example. We are not asked to offer grace based on whether someone deserves it, but rather because God has already given it to us.
Grace Isn’t Excusing Sin
In Colossians 3:13, Paul echoes this same truth:
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
When we fully grasp how much grace God has given us, it becomes easier—though not always effortless—to pass that grace on to others. This doesn’t mean excusing sin or ignoring wrongs. Instead, it means releasing the burden of bitterness and trusting God with justice.
Jesus Modeled Grace Perfectly
Jesus modeled this perfectly. In Luke 6:35-36, He tells us:
“But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”
God’s grace is not limited to those who “deserve” it. It is freely given, even to those who reject Him. When we extend grace to those who hurt us, we reflect the heart of Christ. It’s not about pretending the hurt didn’t happen—it’s about surrendering the pain to God and choosing His way over our own.
Why It’s Hard to Extend Grace
Extending grace to those who have hurt us sounds good in theory, but in reality, it can feel nearly impossible. When someone wounds us—whether through betrayal, harsh words, or repeated offenses—our natural reaction is often to protect ourselves, seek justice, or even hold onto resentment. The idea of offering kindness or forgiveness can feel unfair, or worse, like we’re letting them off the hook.
The Pain Feels Too Deep
Some wounds cut deep, leaving emotional scars that don’t fade easily. When we’re still carrying the hurt, the thought of extending grace can feel like we’re minimizing our pain. But grace doesn’t mean the hurt didn’t matter—it means we trust God to bring healing and justice in His way and in His time.
We Want Justice, Not Grace
Our human nature craves fairness. When someone wrongs us, we want them to understand the pain they’ve caused, apologize, or even experience some form of consequence. But grace is not about what’s fair—it’s about choosing God’s way over our own. Romans 12:19 reminds us:“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
Fear of Being Hurt Again
Sometimes, withholding grace feels like a way to protect ourselves. We may fear that if we forgive or extend kindness, the person will take advantage of us again. But grace doesn’t mean allowing someone to repeatedly harm us—it means letting go of bitterness while still setting healthy boundaries.
Our Pride Gets in the Way
Pride tells us that the other person should apologize first, that they should make things right, or that they don’t deserve our grace. It convinces us to hold onto hurt as a form of control or protection. But pride only deepens the divide. It keeps our hearts closed and our relationships strained. When we choose humility instead, we open the door to healing. Extending grace doesn’t mean the other person was right—it means we trust God to make
Jesus as Our Example of Grace
When it comes to extending grace, no one exemplifies it better than Jesus. Throughout His life, He showed compassion to sinners, patience with His disciples, and even forgiveness to those who crucified Him. His life was a living testimony of unmerited grace—grace that He freely gives to us and calls us to extend to others.
Grace in the Midst of Betrayal
One of the most powerful examples of Jesus’ grace is how He treated Judas, the disciple who betrayed Him. Even though Jesus knew Judas would hand Him over to His enemies, He still washed his feet at the Last Supper (John 13:1-5). This act of humility and love reminds us that grace isn’t based on how someone treats us—it’s a reflection of God’s character working in us.
Grace Through Forgiveness
As Jesus hung on the cross, suffering an agonizing death, He could have called for justice. Instead, He spoke these incredible words: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” — Luke 23:34
Even in His pain, Jesus chose forgiveness. He extended grace to the very people who mocked, tortured, and crucified Him. If Jesus could offer grace in that moment, we, too, can rely on His strength to extend grace in our own hurts.
Grace After Failure
Another beautiful picture of Jesus’ grace is His response to Peter. After boldly declaring he would never deny Jesus, Peter denied Him three times out of fear (Luke 22:61-62). But instead of rejecting Peter, Jesus restored him. In John 21:15-17, Jesus gently asks Peter three times if he loves Him, giving Peter the opportunity to reaffirm his devotion. This encounter shows us that Jesus’ grace is greater than our failures, and in turn, we are called to show grace to others, even when they fall short.
Following Jesus’ Example
Jesus didn’t just tell us to love our enemies and forgive—He showed us how. His life teaches us that grace is not about who deserves it, but about reflecting God’s love. When we choose grace, we mirror Christ’s heart to the world, and in doing so, we free ourselves from the weight of bitterness.
To help you walk this out in a real and personal way, I’ve created a printable devotional journal filled with Scripture, reflection prompts, and space to process your journey of extending grace. This journal is designed to guide you through God’s Word while giving you room to pray, reflect, and grow. Whether you’re working through past hurts or simply want to deepen your understanding of grace, this tool will gently lead you closer to the heart of Christ.
Are you looking for ways to extend grace like Jesus in your daily life? Our “Extending Grace to Those Who Hurt Us” offers daily Scripture reflections and prompts to help you respond with love, patience, and forgiveness—especially when it’s hard. This journal is perfect for anyone wanting to align their heart and actions with Christ’s example of grace.
Practical Steps to Extend Grace
Knowing we should extend grace is one thing—actually doing it is another. When someone has hurt us, it can feel unnatural or even impossible to respond with kindness. But with God’s help, we can choose grace over resentment. Here are some practical steps to help you extend grace, even when it’s difficult.
Pray for a Heart of Grace
Grace begins in the heart. When we struggle to extend it, the first step is to bring our pain to God. Ask Him to soften your heart, help you release bitterness, and fill you with His love. Matthew 5:44 encourages us:
“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
Praying for the person who hurt you doesn’t excuse their actions, but it opens your heart to God’s healing and aligns your perspective with His.
Choose Forgiveness
Forgiveness and grace go hand in hand. While forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or allowing harmful behavior to continue, it does mean releasing the burden of resentment. Colossians 3:13 reminds us: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
If you’re struggling to forgive, start by surrendering the situation to God. He is the ultimate source of justice and healing.
Respond with Kindness
Grace is an action. It’s choosing kind words instead of harsh ones. It’s responding with patience instead of anger. It’s seeking peace when conflict is easier. Proverbs 15:1 tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
This doesn’t mean ignoring boundaries or tolerating mistreatment, but it does mean treating others with love, even when they don’t deserve it.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Extending grace doesn’t mean allowing someone to repeatedly hurt you. Boundaries are a way to protect your heart while still showing love. Jesus, though full of grace, often set
The Freedom Found in Grace
Extending grace isn’t just about the other person—it’s also about our own spiritual and emotional freedom. Holding onto anger, resentment, or bitterness can weigh us down, keeping us trapped in a cycle of pain. But when we choose grace, we step into the peace and freedom that God desires for us.
Grace Releases Us from Bitterness
When we refuse to extend grace, we often end up carrying the burden of unforgiveness. Bitterness can slowly take root in our hearts, affecting our thoughts, emotions, and even our relationships. But Hebrews 12:15 warns us:
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Grace uproots bitterness and allows us to walk in freedom instead of being consumed by past hurts.
Grace Brings Inner Peace
When we let go of the need for revenge or validation, we experience the peace of Christ. In Philippians 4:7, Paul reminds us that God’s peace transcends all understanding and guards our hearts and minds. When we extend grace, we are no longer controlled by what someone else has done—we are free to move forward in peace
Grace Strengthens Our Relationship with God
God’s grace toward us is undeserved, yet He gives it freely. When we extend grace to others, we align our hearts with His. This deepens our understanding of His love and strengthens our relationship with Him. In Matthew 6:14, Jesus tells us, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
Living in grace draws us closer to God and allows us to experience His love in greater ways.
Grace Empowers Us to Love Like Jesus
Jesus didn’t just preach about grace—He lived it. When we extend grace, we reflect His heart to the world. It doesn’t mean that we ignore wrongs or become passive in the face of hurt, but it does mean that we choose love over resentment, peace over conflict, and faith over fear.
When we walk in grace, we walk in freedom. We release the weight of unforgiveness, embrace the peace of Christ, and live as a testimony of His love. Choosing grace may not always be easy, but it is always worth it.
Loving like Jesus is about turning faith into action. It’s about showing kindness, offering grace, and being intentional in how we treat others. Each day gives us countless opportunities to reflect His love in practical ways.
Interested in learning more about Techniques about Bible Journaling? Check out our FREE guide!
Choosing Grace Every Day
Extending grace to those who hurt us isn’t easy, but it is a powerful reflection of God’s love in our lives. When we remember the grace we have received from Christ, we can choose to offer that same grace to others—not because they deserve it, but because He first extended it to us.
Grace doesn’t mean excusing wrong behavior or ignoring the pain we’ve experienced. Instead, it means surrendering our hurts to God, trusting Him with justice, and choosing to walk in freedom rather than bitterness. It means setting healthy boundaries while still responding with love.
As we seek to grow in grace, let’s lean on God for strength. Let’s pray for hearts that mirror His, forgive as we have been forgiven, and reflect the light of Christ in a world that desperately needs His love.
Who in your life needs grace today? Ask God to help you take the next step, no matter how small, toward extending His love in a way that honors Him.
Gratitude journaling within your Bible can also deepen your awareness of God’s provision. As you journal, acknowledging these blessings cultivates a heart of thankfulness. Pair your list with a verse like James 1:17—“Every good and perfect gift is from above.”
Themed Journaling Plans
Many people find success with themed plans, such as:
These plans provide consistency and a clear focus, helping you build a regular habit. By incorporating prompts and guides into your Bible journaling, you’ll have the tools to stay focused, grow in your understanding of scripture, and enjoy a richer time with God.
Daily Devotional
Discover a deeper connection with God through our “Glorifying God Daily Devotional.” This devotional provides thoughtful prompts and reflections designed to help you discover what the Bible says about Glorifying God and build a consistent habit of daily worship and prayer, transforming your spiritual life over time.
Designed for busy women seeking spiritual growth, this devotional offers a daily Bible verse and key thought, practical insights, reflective journaling prompts, and daily prayers to nurture your soul.
Interested in Bible Art Journaling?
Looking for a creative way to express your journey of loving God? Our “FREE Loved By God Bible Art Elements” offer beautiful and inspiring resources to enhance your Bible journaling experience. These elements are designed to help you visually celebrate and reflect on God’s love, adding a personal and artistic touch to your spiritual practice. Explore how these art elements can deepen your connection with God and enrich your study time.
You might enjoy these related post: